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To Do THIS……

It’s been a while since I’ve written to you, in the meantime I went out and got a job as a carpenter/everything guy renovating properties around Santa Fe, and shifting into the physically exhausting realm while maintaining my coaching practice, playing music and doing all the things I feel are part of my “mission” has left little time to write. However, I still practice what I preach, and when I came back to this draft of the continuation of the Power of Command, I found it exactly what I was going to write anyway……..

So, here it is…

To do this, and be utterly comfortable, doing THIS.

No matter what THIS is, no matter what this IS, be it drover or wagoner, or farmer or scientist, when the Presence is in you, it does not matter what THIS is.

THIS is all a form in space. THIS is all at our command, and THIS is our playground, where we write the rules, or rather, have written the rules and then forgotten.

Why put down the pen? Is it the world-weariness of the jaded and exhausted poet? Or the silent acquiessence of those lost on the Wheel? Or do you surrender to the other artists? The ones who retain their desiring, to the point of lifting a finger? Or a mountain.

Why not care enough to apply for the position? And what is the position?  To step into the breach and steer, to create in every second the unfolding reality, to drive as if you were the thing itself, complete as a juggernaut, absorbing and spewing energy and intent.

To BE in place, as we are, to BE in this moment. Now. And Now. And Now.

Relaxing into the Future.

Relaxing from the past.

Is one real and the other not?

Settling into the place you are is the primary launching point of eternity.

To be so savagely in place as to be utterly unrestrained, and utterly humble. To let go and hold on, at the same time. To surrender and take control, with no control, with Abandon.

Which is more real? That which takes place in front of your eyes? Or behind?

If the invisible realm is real, as we all secretly wish it is, then it is here and here and here and here.

So what difference does it make where YOU are? Or should we say, where your body is?

We all came to this realm, this psycho-physical realm, to DO something. That’s why we made this place, so we could learn to manipulate energy and form. But we get lost in the impulse to act, and we act and act as if mere acting were the game.

Even now, can you take a moment to watch impulse itself?

You can, you know. Just take a moment to hold your breath, and watch the place that the impulse to breathe originates. The impulse to act, to do, to move, to adjust the world comes from a similar place. Just as you may watch the breath try to breathe you, you can watch the impulse to DO try to move you.

But, you don’t have to move, do you? You can become the master of your being by just observing to the point of understanding, by learning to not act whenever the impulse comes.

We learn to adjust the world to our needs, and our needs are almost all imagined. Underneath the need, the imagined need, is the feeling that this world is not safe, so we should do something to make it so, and we stack our reasons to justify a mere and unobserved urge.

My advice: Don’t just do, no matter how strong the urge. Much like the idea that feelings HAPPEN to us, we are often victims of our own urge to move. And when that urge gets blocked or frustrated, what happens then?

In the next piece, I will discuss how reasons get stacked, and what to do about it. And I promise it won’t be too long from now. Thanks!

The Power of Command

We are all great intellectuals. We are. We understand so much of what we hear, and we grasp concepts better than any species. Even with all the sheer stupidity in the world, you know what I’m talking about, we are still on average the smartest things around. As a result, we are masters at jumping to conclusions, really great at being know-it-alls, and awesome sources of other people’s quotes. Sometimes we utter things that are so profound we hope somebody quotes us! I know I do. Of course, I can never remember what I said, and neither can anyone else!

Still, we are good understanders, and we can abstract. We can be told about things that are not present and extrapolate results that would be hidden from less sophisticated minds. Much of what we do in our vast, powerful brains is simply amazing, and we should be proud.

Unfortunately, (like you didn’t know this was coming) we have the tendency to be all brain and no body. In other words, we tend to leap to conclusions about stuff, and then stay at the level of understanding intellectually and not bringing our knowledge down into the body. We don’t embody most of our knowledge.

We are extremely fortunate to have a new set of knowledge coming around, prosperity consciousness, the Law of Attraction, etc. And most of it is pretty simple, at least at first, but, and you know this is coming, too, we don’t bring the knowledge down onto our body. We don’t make it part of us, even thought we know we should. And, as you might guess, this is why there is so much talk lately about why the Law of Attraction doesn’t work for us.

We can see this Law working, because there is a definite cause-and-effect rule in place, and we can even see it bringing good and bad results. And we know intellectually that we are not in alignment, and we may even understand why, but, here it is again! we don’t go deep enough into our bodies to find the roots of our sabotage.

If you have been reading this series, you know that the roots of our being are in the realm of feeling. This is not emotion, but the more intrinsic parts of our being that define us as humans and with which we assign importance to our life particles. After all, WE decide what is important, We decide what we are here for, WE decide what to do with our lives.

We are lucky to find out about the Law of Attraction, and like the extremely wise folk we are, we immediately try to incorporate it into our lives. We notice it has some funny results, like the fact that seemingly evil people lead lives of apparent comfort, and don’t always get what we think they deserve, based on our religious upbringing. And we can understand that if they don’t really feel they deserve punishment, then there is no force outside of our civil justice that seems to deliver it, especially if they don’t possess enough guilt to call it to themselves. So we make sure all our young-uns are inculcated with enough guilt so they don’t get away with anything, either.

We can understand that we make our own reality. If I say the old phrase “We see the world as we are,” you can understand how our fears, desires and hidden or unconscious programming influences both how we see the world and what we call forth from the world.

Intrinsic to the Law of Attraction is the Power of Command. We use it all the time, but we don’t necessarily know we do. It is the active facet of the Law, the part that we use to actually make stuff happen. The Law has two parts, one is the unconscious calling forth through vibrational alignment, and the other is the intentional setting out to create new realities by actively stating out intent. One has conscious volition, the other unconscious manifestation.

It has been shown in the world of quantum physics that when observing the energetic field of the very small, simply looking at an experiment influences it. I mean, grok that for a second. the act of observation has power. Is it that much of a leap to suppose that Intent has power? You can try some experiments of your own, simply intend intently that say, someone is going to call you, or that you are going to know something ahead of time, and see how easy it is to influence using an unseen facet of our makeup. Of course, if you keep this in your head, as an intellectual understanding, and don’t feel it viscerally, it is much less likely to work, so try to intend from the gut.

In the next part of this series, I will go deeper into these aspects, so stay tuned, and please spread this blog around!  Thanks!

Light into Space

O.K., I admit I teased you a bit with the last piece, but my girlfriend insists I write shorter pieces, and she’s probably right.

So, we left off with you finding a feeling and diving into it and feeling all there is there to be felt. This event of feeling so deeply has several qualities, like the sheer rightness of finally taking care of yourself, perhaps for the first time in many lifetimes, perhaps for the first time ever.  Or the knowledge that here in this deep place is peace and healing.

When you actually feel down into a held place you also find out the piece I have been talking about all this time, that the subconscious programming that runs us speaks in feelings. Not emotions per se, but feelings. In case you are unclear, we could say that emotions are similar to feelings, but have the quality of being more of a reaction to events, people, or even objects. For instance, someone can piss you of, and that is an emotional reaction, it has an object, it has a time duration, it is less intrinsic to your makeup.

On the other hand, feelings are more a part of your actual makeup, they are a definer of who you are and how you feel alive. They can arise on their own, for instance, love is something that we can feel without an object being present. You could say they are more consistently present and pervasive, like a current beneath the surface.  As I have said before, how we feel determines what is important in this life. We all share some intrinsic feelings, need for safety, need for connection, yearning for communion with….well, God for lack of a better word.

Feelings drive us, and emotions color us. We get them confused, and that’s alright. Since our emotions come and go, we survive their advent, and we learn to pick and choose which ones are welcome, and which are not, according to how we feel, how we assign importance. Consequently, we can, being the powerful creatures we are, suppress them.

And, along with this remarkable talent, comes……..The Price.

The Price is that we have to eventually account for the feelings we have put off feeling. I am speaking of feelings and emotions, and trauma, belief, and other bits of our psychological makeup that we acquire but don’t necessarily admit to our front row. And further, these sent away and held prisoner feelings/emotions, can fester, making us sick, and they can color our world, causing us to act certain ways and draw certain corresponding vibrational events and things into our lives.

O.K.? Is it becoming clear that these held places are possibly worth investigating? The entire cosmology of theapy is based on this premise, but as I have described, going case-by-case might take a while, especially since most of us don’t get started until we are old enough, or tired enough to notice we are not quite as happy as we could be.

The Point is that we can, through honest looking, discover and clear these held places. This is accomplished by allowing one’s self to feel a held place completely, to the point where there is nothing left, and also to the point where we are completely un-resisting of what is present. Of course, it is difficult to do this by yourself, maybe not impossible, but as Arjuna Ardagh says: “You can’t guide yourself to awakening, it’s like doing surgery on yourself.” So a little help is in order, but it doesn’t have to take years, or even a year.

It’s all in your intention to awaken beyond the things you have thought you are, and allow the idea that you just might be a bit, well, bigger, than we are usually led to believe. In fact, you may discover power that you had no idea that you had, like the Power of Command, or the ability to call forth circumstances, people, and states of awareness that you used to think were thrust upon you.

So we can clear held feelings, and we can clear held emotional tendencies. In other words, we have feelings like love and fear that we have numbed or suppressed or otherwise not felt on a regular basis, and they can be liberated, and we have emotional tendencies, or patterns of reaction, and the habitual reactivity can be liberated. And by liberated, I mean that they “go back” to being what they were intended to be, useful tools in our complex and amazing toolbox.

And what happens when something gets cleared? (This is my favorite part.) One thing is that there is a sense of relief, a sense of peace, and a sense of inner knowing. This inner knowing occurs as the arrival of insights, we know things without thinking about them, pieces of knowledge show up from somewhere, the higher mind, the Source, wherever, and we realize things.

The other part is that where there was a held, blocked place in the body, there is now an empty space, a space that was numb or painful and is now available for occupation, if you will. For me, those spaces became filled with light. I could feel the light flow into me from somewhere, and I knew that the light had been patiently waiting for an opening, any opening, so that it could come and heal me and let me know who I am.

It’s pretty wonderful, and it really makes you feel as if everything is actually perfect, that the world is doing what it does, and people are the way they are, and you don’t have to be bothered by it all.

After one particular session, I had the distinct feeling I was floating near a great light, and I could either turn and contemplate that light, or I could use that light as it shines through me for whatever I wanted, as an expression of my particular incarnation. I call that light the Radiant Core of the Universe.

Maybe I could have reached that light in meditation, or in some other way, but getting there this way, especially as fast as this way works, was one of the facets of this work that attracted me so much.

There is more, since after a major clearing, the triggers that were present before tend to be gone, so the benefit is huge, but once that light flows in, you get the idea that this is something sooo valuable and needed for the world and for yourself, that it changes you in a fundamental manner. You turn toward the light and your life literally becomes you aligning with the light, and letting go of smaller, egoic concerns.

Next: The Power of Command

Diving into a Feeling

We have seen how the incessant muttering of the brainmind is both a source of comfort, and a real bother. It’s a comfort because our survival imprint is constantly reassuring us we are safe, and it’s a bother because of the constant nature of the thinking and  analyzing.

We have grown used to our brains, and having an active brain can be quite useful, especially if we want to be on Jeopardy! However, and isn’t there always a “however?” when we try to go deeper inside ourselves to see what is really there, this chatter can become a pain in the you-know-what. And its always telling you what to do, what to think, what to say. Imagine if you could simply let someone else drive you across town without ever feeling the need to suggest they change lanes or turn here. Imagine if you somehow didn’t have an opinion on every single thing. We have all these thoughts and opinions because we want to feel safe, but that urge is disguised as a myriad of behaviors which are a pain to everyone, and to our sense of peaceful existence. Maybe not always, but definitely sometimes, and we become aware in our studies that the people we consider great teachers or gurus or awakened ones, have dissolved their habitual tendencies so that the automatic reactivity that defines the average person is replaced by a fluid and graceful Presence. And if you are like me, we want to know how we can get there from here.

We all have various versions of active brain, and they are a symptom of our particular tendencies. We could call them a kind of flavoring to our unique existence, and they correlate to how safe and un-threatened we were as babies and children, and how stressful a life we have created.

It takes time and effort to even notice our tendencies, and to go further into knowing that they are learned, and not really part of us. The simple realization that our “style” is not real is tough enough, but finding out how little of the “me I think I am” is real is tougher. Understanding that we are a flotsam and jetsam of traits we absorbed early on is easy.  We can understand the concept intellectually, but to get it viscerally, in the gut, is a little more work.

But suppose you do find a piece of you that feels unwelcome. It may be a reaction to something you accidentally said, or how you felt at a particular time, or a memory of a feeling,  and you ask yourself where you feel it. This is an important distinction. We all feel things, and our feelings, being generally reactive, seem to happen to us. In this case, we are turning our habitual tendency around and actively feeling something specific on purpose.

If you do it this way, you will immediately find a physical location in the body where there is a charge. Now, tuning into this charge is easy but delicate, and while the charge itself is not a story, using a story to find the charge is quite useful. Once we have the charge, or the root feeling, we let go of the story and concentrate on the feeling itself. Feelings have a frequency or atmosphere, as in “Afraid” or “Angry.” This is different from “afraid of dogs” or “angry at my mother.” This is the feeling itself.

And this is not about expressing the feeling. We can feel anger, for instance, without having to be angry at someone or about something. So it is easy to see that we can home in on the charge of anger without necessarily getting mad, or venting or really expressing in any way.

Once we “locate” a feeling, we simply invite it to be felt. From understanding, it seems simple. The process is quite simple, but it can feel huge from a subjective standpoint, and until you experience it, it sounds like something we can understand and dismiss. But when you are in it, it is bbbiiiggg, or at least seems that way.

This is why a facilitator (like myself) is good to have around, because while I am describing a process to you, the process that we use as Living Essence Counselors, or as Awakening Coaches, doing it by yourself is difficult, especially at first. The tendency is to run away from the feeling because it feels so big and scary, and my job is to both help you stay in it, and to actually feel it with you. I feel the same vibration in my body you feel in yours, and it is not empathy or compassion, it is the actual sharing of a feeling.

As you dive into a feeling, you will likely notice several things, one being that the feeling has a few qualities, for instance, you will notice that it has been wanting to be felt for an extremely long time, that it wants to “come home.” You may also notice that while it seems really scary at first, it is just trapped energy, and that you indeed do have the ability feel it more than you thought you did.

There are several things that can happen, but let’s just say that if you manage to locate a feeling that has been held for a while and you learn how to dive into it, it will eventually release its hold, and become what it was originally designed to be: namely another tool in your toolbox. That’s all.

After a wave or two of this feeling coming home to be felt and acknowledged, the real magic happens. I have described how these held feelings send a busy signal into the cosmos, and this is why we don’t get what we say we want. (see some of the previous articles for this bit) But what happens when we stop sending busy signals? What happens when the sabotage of our desires ceases?

Stay tuned for the next story: Light into Space…….

Brainmind Accounting or, Safety First!

The Language of the Subconscious, continued……

As we have discussed, it is not easy to change beliefs and opinions about ourselves and the way we wish the world would be. I mean, try just being mindful for a while, even a short while, and notice all the little judgements and opinions you process through your brain; you like that color, that color looks bad on her, the car sounds funny, it’s cold out, it’s hard making money these days, and on and on. Actually paying attention to all of your thoughts could be considered a form of insanity, and if you listen closely, you may even notice that the brain on its own is a bit crazy.

I call the part of the brain that is doing all that talking, or muttering, the Accountant, because its function is to make us safe by accounting for every factor in our environment. Fortunately, we also have the faculty of lifting our attention above the incessant chatter and focusing on what we want. And we have meditation practices to help us bypass or transcend this entire area of the brain.

But her’s the thing, bypassing this chatter is a bit like having a schoolroom full of noisy, unhappy kids, and simply closing the door. Sure it’s quieter, but the kids don’t get happier through being ignored. And what happens when you ignore a child? If a child wants your attention, and comes over to you and pulls on your sleeve, and you ignore him, what happens? Does he go quietly away? Maybe, but it is more likely that he will get louder and louder, until he gets the attention he wants.

Similarly, if we notice the chatter in the brainmind, we may notice that although the specifics are useless, the overall volume is a key to noticing the stress level of the being. We might even notice that the brainmind is trying to tell us something. In fact, the chatter is always trying to tell us something. And the more we ignore, the louder it gets.

So we go off to a retreat or a vacation, and distract ourselves for a while, but where do our problems go while we are checked out?

It is more useful to understand the mechanisms of the brainmind communication system and do what it tells you. In other words, if we notice that we are stressed, we could just spackle words over the results of the stress, which are the negative ideas and thoughts that surface, or we could look beneath them to the feelings, the Language of the Subconscious, that are being blocked and numbed by our constant activity and distraction.

It works like this: We are already holding a series of opinions about how the world should be, and then the world comes along, not being as we want, and we feel put upon, so we have all these opinions about what is happening, and we are uncomfortable. But we don’t have time to be uncomfortable, so we try to edit the content of our view through thought and judgment. This doesn’t actually work that well, but does give us a sense of power.

We do this all the time but rarely take notice of the particulars because we simply don’t have the time, and the mechanism is too familiar. But what is going on is the storage of stress in the body, and simply changing the words we are thinking to so-called “positive ones,” while a good beginning, does little to change the belief systems that we are holding and are actually running the show.

It is the held feelings, which are noticed as opinion, judgment, desire and belief that need to be dealt with, the first one being that the world needs to be the way we wish it to be,  because we can’t feel safe until we adjust the world to fit our taste. This adjustment comes in the form of telling the kids what to do, what to wear, how to act, how to be. Only the kids are everyone., including ourselves.

Next: how to clear some of these feeling things…..

The Language of the Subconscious Part 2

There has been a lot of writing and talk lately about how we sabotage our use of the Law of Attraction. My friend Sherry sent me a blog where the writer said that we should change our thoughts and then we would get all the things we want. Here’s the problem with that kind of outside-in thinking.

The structure of the subconscious is a realm of levels of importance. Unimportant things don’t bother us, while important things do. Seems clear enough. But what is important? Is what is important to me, the same for you? You can see that this vector of questioning leads to details and conflicts.

Let’s ask a better question: why are things important? And even better: who assigns importance? “I” assign importance to events, people, places, and things. And, here is the crux: what makes anything at all important?

You guessed it, it’s the way we feel about things. For instance, if you are raised in poverty, money becomes very important, and your feelings about it color your world in brilliant, stark detail. Money becomes tied in with feeling safe. Conversely, if you were wealthy as a child, it is more likely that money will be less important as a day-to-day struggle, although it is likely to be tied up in your identity. And if you are a sanyassin, a spiritual renunciate, letting go of attachment to money may be a greater or lesser stumbling block.

In any case, you can choose what is important to your identity/subconscious. And choosing is comprised of how you feel. For instance, when you fall in love, you make a choice that the person that is the subject of your affections is extremely important,  even though you had no clue they existed yesterday. Unfortunately, many choices we make in life and love are often done in a pre-conscious manner. We acquire our preferences long before we acquire the power to choose them. Freedom is about conscious choice, and the path to power over our choice-making ability is in the roots of feeling.

For instance, if we  feel that there is not enough in the world for all of us, it matters not what we say about it. We can affirm and affirm, but if we feel it differently inside, we will continue to sabotage our intention toward abundance. Similarly, we can promise ourselves that we will find that perfect lover, (despite our track record,) but if we are feeling that we are unworthy, we will find the mate that affirms our feeling, and not our thoughts about who we are.

This is why coming into alignment with our desires does not mean spackling over the cracks in our subconscious with words. We have to go deeper than words, into where our real issues lie. At the heart of our body/mind is a region of held feelings. What is amazing is that beliefs, opinions, and points of view, as well as memories, traumas, and all kinds of ideas and identities have a bodily location.

Here’s a simple test: next time you say the words “I feel…” about anything at all, just do a little follow-up: ask yourself where you feel it. Your body will tell you instantly where a feeling is held. Then just check into that feeling, and ask this of your inner being: If I am holding this feeling here, how can words and thoughts change it?

You can feel the “seniority” of feeling over thoughts and words. If you stay with it, you will be likely to notice that the held feeling is causing thoughts, as well as the attempts to counteract all those thoughts. So saying new words, while not completely useless, is actually a time and energy consuming activity that can be cut short by dealing with the feelings held in the body, and then noticing how the energy broadcast has changed as an effect.

Next, I will talk about the Trail of Breadcrumbs that leads down into the Heart of Feeling.  Stay tuned……..   love, Doug

The Language of the Subconscious

In this space, I have been exploring the ways that we respond to life, along with the various ways that we wish we could be different, and the ways we sabotage our command structure. We mostly know about the Law of Attraction by now, and we might be up on the discussions currently available about how we counteract our own desires with hidden fears, doubts and problems of deserving and self-worth.

What is missing in all the rhetoric is a simple answer to why we do all this sabotage. I was listening to Bruce Lipton, co-author of Spontaneous Evolution (w/ Steve Bhaerman) and he was talking about the subconscious being like a tape player, constantly playing the doubt and fear tapes. He said that next time we see a tape player playing, we should try going up and talking to it, telling it to stop playing what it is playing.

Now, this is an accurate picture, even though our subconscious doesn’t really play in words. The tapes may sound like thoughts and beliefs that repeat endlessly, but that is just the part that reaches our thinking mind. And as I have said before, talking about our problems does little to dissolve our tendency to create problems. Yes, talking is better than nothing, we all know people who can’t even admit they have any problems, let alone tell the truth about them. And talking does eventually allow access to the problems themselves. For instance, if I have a memory of an event that is traumatic and haunts me, and it feeds a hidden fear/reluctance, or an aversion to certain kinds of action, I can talk about that event to the point of uncovering my fears.

All well and good. But, when I have a hidden charge, which is the feeling associated with the event itself, and is the sum of feelings not felt or completed at the time, even when I recognize the sabotage, I may not dissolve the event complately, and therefore, while I may become aware of certain behaviors and be more capable of counteracting those behaviors, my protection of the initial event remains intact. The result is that I will still allow subterfuge, acting in certain ways because this trauma is still operative, even when I have believed I have “taken care of it.”

Let me re-iterate this mechanism. Say I have a memory of a traumatic event, the first one I personally encountered in my training was being locked in a basement when I was four, to use me as an example. Now, I carried that event with me unconsciously, for many years, and it showed up in dreams, and in behaviors that were in the form of avoidance, and reactivity, etc. In other words, I was making choices, and not making other choices, because of the fear that this held memory kept operative.

Now, I could have talked to someone about the behavior, “I didn’t take that job,” or “I yelled at my wife,” and found that I did those things because they triggered this held place in my body, and I might resolve to not do those things again, being aware now of the cause of those behaviors.

But what of the event itself?  If I don’t complete the event, which I certainly didn’t do at the time it actually happened, I continue to hold it apart and operative as a generator of tension. So am I free? No, I am unconsciously allowing my behavior, my preferences and my desire manifestation to be sabotaged by this still-operative trauma. I am living my life as an avoidance of feeling a feeling I really hated when it came around the first time, and became a pattern in my body.

The discussion of our hidden factors that sabotage our use of the Law of Attraction continues to neglect the actual language of the subconscious. That language is feeling. It is not negative thoughts, or even beliefs. And more importantly, it is not emotional reactivity. It is how we feel about things below the level of thought and belief that creates the thoughts and beliefs themselves. And emotional reaction is only a sign of a more deeply held feeling or belief that is triggered by events.

The holding of feeling in the body in an incomplete or stifled manner is what causes the tension  that produces the unconscious thought patterns that we believe can be dissolved by things like affirmations, positive thinking and being hyper-aware of what we are doing and saying. But, and this is a big but, anything that leaves the hidden feeling intact will remain as a source for more unconscious repetition of the sabotage.

So, talking to the tape player is indeed useless. Resistance is useless. Avoidance is useless. And going into feeling on a case-by-case basis is too time-consuming.

There is a pathway into the subconscious, and it is what I call the Trail of Breadcrumbs that God, or the Radiant Consciousness that is our very nature, left for us to follow as a recourse to being trapped in thought and cycles of sabotage. It is in the discovery and liberation of feeling itself, deep inside, that we have the opportunity to achieve true freedom.

Stay tuned for more on this subject, with more on technique and reason.

Please share this site with your friends and also pleas comment and subscribe!!   With Love, Doug

Dreaming Awake: Awakening Dream

I had a dream last night, and I woke up and just had to write about it. In the dream I was at a big BBQ party with lots of people and tons of food.  I had fixed myself a plate of food,  set it on a table, and went to get a drink. When I returned, it was gone. A friend dismissed it by saying, “Just get another plate, there’s plenty of food.” So I did, and the same thing happened. My friend said to get yet another plate, what’s the big deal? But as I searched the now-scarce food offerings, I felt a simmering anger in my gut. And more, I felt the instant resentment toward my dismissive friend, and the self-righteous ownership of the victim’s pain.

Having such a strong feeling in a dream was unusual for me, so I began to contemplate the feeling as I made another dream sandwich, and wondered why I was holding on to this feeling so tightly. I knew something was different because it was still with me when I woke up.  I could feel this place in me that was so strong and familiar, and I realized the feeling had more than one flavor. One  was that I was a little ticked that my friend did not acknowledge how I felt in the dream, and another was that even though I knew I should let go of the feeling of being hurt, I didn’t want to let go. I wanted someone to see that I was hurt, and share the hurt with me, before I could let it go.

Both during the dream, and as I woke up, I could feel the habitual pattern of how I reacted to an event, and how I wanted to be treated, which when that treatment was not immediately available, added to the level of emotional pain. What was really noticeable was the habitual nature of this reaction, the speed of it, and the way I sought relief. I naturally wondered where this habit came from, and I could feel several resonances around this place in my gut. I also figured that if I felt this, it is likely that many people also feel this, so I thought I better write about it, both as a way to get to the resolution or healing, and as a way to serve others. After all, we are all mirrors.

I could feel this feeling, which persisted and resonated after I woke up, and I could feel how it wanted to be comforted and with that comforting came the tacet permission to let it go. Now, this was a very specific incident, with a specific pain associated, and it seemed I was trying to tell myself something about both my habit and the mechanism of releasing held pains. I mean, frankly, in real life it would have been dismissed, (with grumbling.)

I immediately thought of my mother, and mothers in general, as the ones who first start the tendency to want pain acknowledged. I talked this over with my wonderfully intelligent girlfriend, and she used the term “validated.” We want to have our feelings validated by others, and then we can more easily let them go. Now, you can see how this starts, we get hurt and our Mom comforts us and we receive attention (the good kind) and this helps us relax, and move on.  And naturally we learn to need that attention, and we fall into a habit of needing something in order to relax.

Later, of course, our Mom isn’t there to comfort us, so we do some substituting around our need, we seek to commiserate with our playmates and friends, and later with our spouse and co-workers. Can you see the way this small habitual need blossoms into the world of news reporting, and the general complaint-filled world we experience? Not to mention the blues.

My girlfriend and I had been talking the other day about complaining, and how some people are just a litany of complaint. Sometimes we have to actually let go of friendships because of the constant negativity. I have a few old friends that are like that and she wonders why I would want to be around them at all. “Why do you subject yourself to it?” she asked me. I had to admit that I was just used to it.

What was more cogent to me was my own habits of complaint. I am sometimes guilty of using the first few minutes of any encounter to bitch about something, the weather, the Bears, the traffic, whatever. I always thought of it as not holding energy, so that by venting, I was releasing. And I tried to be funny about it, like the way stand-up comics rail about things. Only I am not a stand-up comic, in fact, I am not even a sit-down comic.

So, what happens when we can’t get any validation, commiseration or release of a hurt? We carry it around and then get distracted by life, and the feeling either shows up later, or we learn to make it “go away.” But……where is “away?”

Of course, “away” is in the body. But you know that, especially if you have been reading this space. So, just to prove a point, let’s do a little exercise:

Remember a time when you were hurt, insulted, emabarrassed or otherwise experienced pain.

Now, can you feel it?

Now, where do you feel it? It has a physical location doesn’t it? And when you feel this place, doesn’t the event and the hurt come back clear as a bell? And don’t you feel the urge to talk about it? And can you feel a similar resonance of other events in the same place?

What is noticeable is the no matter how much time goes by, if a feeling is not resolved, it stays in the body, until it is acknowledged, Which means feeling it to completion, not just talking about it.

We can easily see that we, as humans, have a talent to store feelings, especially those that were unwelcome when they ocurred.  Perhaps this is a symptom of modern life, this storage of hurt. If we had the time and the learning to acknowledge our own pains and release them, perhaps we wouldn’t have such a huge bank account of hidden pain stuffed like a safe-deposit box in our chests. And the feelings we don’t resolve, tend to come around unconsciously, as stress, discomfort and complaining.

I did a retreat a while ago and one of the things I discovered was what I call The Pool of Infinite Sorrow.  This is the place in me where I stash all my pain, sadness, sorrow, self-pity, victimhood and other like-vibrations. I was amazed that all that pain I thought I had successfully avoided was still all here, fresh and powerful, just waiting to be felt.

I have been fortunate enough to have learned in my training as a Living Essence Counselor that we don’t have to deal with all our past hurts the way the talking school does. The normal therapeutic approach, what is referred to as the talking school, would be to discuss the events that led to our unhappiness, and as we encounter them, the therapist acts as a surrogate parent and helps to validate our pain, and then, using the tool we learned so long ago, we can release that pain.

But think of the sheer number of events we are talking about, most of us anyway. Unless you have the kind of nature that never gets hurt or takes anything personally, I would guess that you are like me (and most people,) and you probably have a lot of stored, unacknowledged pain and trauma in your body. You can see why paople are in analysis and therapy for years and years, releasing each event on a case-by-case basis. But even when you let go of lots and lots of events and memories, the habitual action of stashing more events is not dissolved.

This is why dealing with the Pool as a frequency, or root feeling, is so much more efficient and deep. If we deal with sadness as a frequency, rather than an event in which we were caused to be sad, we can dissolve all the events we stored, all at once. I have to say, it’s pretty cool.

What happens when a feeling, like my resentment in my dream goes un-validated? You can see the root of many bahaviors come into being. For instance, I was clearly holding on self-righteously to the feeling, and it was turning to anger, not at whoever took my plates, but at my buddy for laughing it off. Right there, a misdirection. I immediately wanted to blame somebody for this discomfort and this lack of acknowledgment, and I just pointed the blame at the easiest target. And subconsciously, I also probably lumped my Mother in there because she was the one I really needed to comfort me, but she couldn’t, and she didn’t all those other times either.

So here is a whole pile of subconscious resentment blooming completely automatically. And exactly what can I do? I can bitch to the next person I see, I might even call up someone or write a whole blog about it. Whatever I do, it is unlikely I have the wisdom to notice this habitual mechanism. So I become the complainer I am trying to avoid, because of the many little events I have stashed in me, all subconscious now. And I wonder why I keep calling forth the same lessons. And of course, since somebody took from me, and I am still holding that insult, I find it very difficult to give.

Now, I hear what you are saying: we should take responsibility for our reactions, and instead of blaming, or being angry inside, we should see how we called this event into our field and we should check into our beliefs around attachment, and being right, etc., etc. All well and good, but what popped for me in the dream and immediately after was the unconscious process. Long before I could control anything, the feeling was there in my chest. It was altogether too easy to fall into the habit of how I had always dealt with events. And what sticks with me the most is the feeling of righteousness, the wanting to feel this way, and the defense of my attitude. It makes me wonder just how much of my personality is wrapped up in this complex, formed of this need. After all, the symptom described here is a form of self-validation; since my Mother wasn’t there, and my friend didn’t do it for me, I had to self-validate my own feeling. And I had to admit, it didn’t really work. I could still feel the hurt, and it triggered thoughts about it, and it also made me store the feeling, which is not healthy.

If we were all to notice this automatic system of feeling-storage and the need for resolution, would we not be more compassionate about our friends who are seeking release, even if it is in the form of complaint? And if we were all conscious of how we all do it, couldn’t we talk about what the real issues are, rather than the usual form, like complaining about  a sports team when I really want to talk about something else?

Perhaps the worst part of this dream illustration is the self-righteous holding on I was aware of. I felt entitled to my anger, and I wanted others to congratulate me on my rightness. And gee whiz I had never done that before, or been sarcastic, either.

In my last piece, I mentioned the fight-or-flight response we are usually stuck in, and this is a good example. I felt a threat, and also reacted, then defended my reaction. In point of fact, if any person at that dream party, or any real party had asked me for my plate of food, I would have given it to them, no problem. I could have chosen another reaction, or even better, chosen a response, but instead I fell into the easier pattern of react-and-suffer, then defend the suffering. Can you believe this? I mean, it is all soooo familiar!  I do this all the time.

My girlfriend asked me who I would be without this reaction and I said I could go two ways. One way would be to thank her for asking that question, you know, the one that awakens you from your traps and pitfalls. Or I could do the old thing, what I think many of us do, and simply want the commiseration and the righteous indignation to be what is acknowledged. I want to feel right, and I want you to tell me just how right I am. And I am willing to complain until somebody, anybody, scratches my (b)itch.

I have referred to the opportunity to  dissolve these blocks and habits, and have been attempting to describe the way that I work as a Spiritual Counselor. If you ar any one you know would like to know more, please feel free to call me or email me, and I will be happy to tell you all about our session work.  (505-670-6391 I will write a piece about this work soon, and describe a typical session. Also please feel free to share this with anyone, and to comment and share your own stories. And please subscribe, even if you don’t have time to read everything. Thanks!

Driving with Compassion

Have you ever noticed how self-absorbed many people are? I know this is a general statement, but I am reminded constantly not of people being bad per se, but of having no energy or attention left over for conscious participation in their own daily life. An example: sitting at a stop light waiting for the person at the head of the line to take that left turn so the rest of you can go, You watch as chance after chance goes by. As the light turns yellow, that person gets to go and the rest of you are just screwed. Is that driver a bad person? Maybe, but probably not. They just don’t have enough free attention to notice that there are other people involved in their life. They are likely either talking on the phone or lost in thought.

  What do I mean by free attention? Well, we all know what attention is, it’s a tool that helps us focus on a particular detail in our awareness field. We certainly notice the growing trend toward attention deficit, that lack of discipline that is often treated by drugs. I would imagine the arising of so much deficit is a result of the influence of television, we can only pay attention in the time allotment of “between commercials” to which we have been conditioned. And of course the over-stimulation of the brain from the onslaught of imagery on TV and in movies and video games doesn’t help.

  What we end up with is a brain in a constant state of fight-or-flight response, which is of course at the very bottom of the list of reponses available to us as incarnated spirits. It’s tough to relax when our brain is in constant need of a dopamine fix. The range of reponses available to us will be discussed in future articles.

  Most of us are not educated in the mechanics of attention, we simply learn to use it to respond to stimuli, and we learn to feed our brains with whatever stimulates it the most.  This leads to a kind of addictive tendency, we love what we find interesting, and we generally adapt to the hyper-stimulation of modern advertising and edited-for-impact imagery we are subjected to. So we have a lack of attention power, and we have all the events and traumas and stuffed feelings that we are holding in the body.

  What are these holdings? Briefly described, we as humans are here to experience life in all its vivid and visceral glory, but having surrendered control to our minds, inadvertantly, we tend to lose touch with experience directly, and build an elaborate gate system to keep most experience manageable. In other words, if we really allow the world of sensory input in, we would be, and often are, stunned to silence by the sheer overwhelm of input. This is difficult when you are driving or trying to pay attention to the teacher or your parents, so we learn to dissallow much of the input, and focus on a small portion. This tendency is easy to learn, but difficult to un-learn.

  The discretionary part of the brain learns to develop an editorial distance from the world, so that even when we are directly forced to experience something intense, like a car accident or the word “love,” we immediately launch into thoughts about that experience. “Wow, did you see that?” we say to ourselves. Then we judge the experience, file it in the Acceptance or Rejectance folder, and never notice that we have completely stepped out of presence as we do all this activity.

  Sound familiar?

  Here’s the kicker: we also have an amazing ability to store up every single event in our subconscious, and those unresolved events and experiences all come back to haunt our thought patterns. Even seemingly miniscule events that we hardly noticed at the time will pop up again when given a chance, like when our brain gets bored, say, while sitting at a stop light.

  So, what happens? The second we get a chance to relax and be completely present and aware, we launch into the Thought Field, where we flit from event to event, trying in vain to equalize our feeling states. When the events we are thinking about happened, we were already busy thinking about the previous events, so we don’t get a chance to be present with the current events. It’s like we are constantly trapped in the past. We do this all the time, but we are so used to it that we don’t notice things like our presence, or other people, or God.

  C’mon, fess up, aren’t we all lost in thought a lot of the time? I know I am often guilty of over-thinking, editing the past, dwelling on minor offenses, trying to interpret events, and all the other signs of lack of free attention. I know I am often also trying to “catch up,” to resolve into the present so that I can be more aware of what is here and now. After all, the thought of love is never as good as the love itself.

  Meditation is one tool to increase our attention span, and I for one feel strongly that it should be taught in schools as a direct counter to TV and all the forms of attention-enslavement which take us away from presence.  Unless you are an experienced meditator, you are likely to find it difficult to get to that zone of silence we believe is the goal of meditation. It’s the same problem as standing in line or sitting at a stoplight. The body wants to finish experiences, and since we don’t let it do so in general, what with all that living in the past, as soon as it gets a moment to relax Boom! here comes yesterday’s news. I mean, what happens when you can’t sleep? Does your mind sit quietly while you wait for the slumber fairies to take you down the river of ease? Even when we have abolutely nothing to do, lying in bed in the dark with eight hours stretching in front of us, we are not present, we are re-thinking the days events or making up stories of tomorrow.

  Similarly, when we sit to meditate, all the feeelings we are holding unresolved come to be felt. Try and try and try, we want to put them off and get deep, but they form a tension in the body, which is the root of all that compulsive and annoying thinking, you know, the thinking that makes you screw everybody behind you at the stop light. After all, when we are lost in thought, we barely notice our own immediate surroundings, let alone a line of cars stuck behind us.

  So, what can we do to stop thinking? Perhaps the proper question is: can we stop thinking at all? One thing I have noticed is that the stuck places in the body and the avoided and delayed processing are the root of compulsive thinking. Since there is a habit of remaining in fight-or-flight reactivity, then there is a surplus of tension chemicals and hormones coursing throught the bloodstream, which cause the alertness centers of the brain to be over-active, which leads to lots of thinking and accounting, planning and remembering, and distraction in general.  As you can guess, it remains difficult to relax into the present moment when you are busy thinking about the past, planning the future and generally avoiding the feelings that are in the queu, waiting to be felt.

  Why we have this talent for storing feelings for later unravelling, and why we can even hold things for years and years is a bit of a mystery, and I will write about it in future blogs, suffice to say that when we become aware of these mechanisms, we can begin to understand why people are the way they are, and consequently, we can feel how they are the same as us, which is the source of compassion.

  There is a principle that Carlos Casteneda wrote about in The Teachings of Don Juan series, called having to believe.  This is the idea that in the absence of more information, we have to believe that, for instance, people are basically good. In our example of the driver at the stop light, we have to believe that he or she is unaware of his or her actions, and is therefore not intentionally being obstructive. The alternative, besides simply not caring, is the thought that they are just being a prick and purposely keeping you from getting to where you are going. There are actually many examples of this behavior, for instance, in New Mexico, I have seen the behavior of drivers who, seeing that you want to change lanes, will race up to block you. Not very neighborly. Be that as it may, in the absence of knowing the actual state of mind of the driver at the stop light, we have to believe he is simply lost in thought or distracted and is unaware of being a jerk.

  In this way we reclaim power over our thought patterns, I mean, if we go around simply thinking the worst of people, we are the ones who bear the cost of so much negativity. And we give ourselves a chance to practice forgiveness, oneness, and compassion to the one who could be us on another day, after all, we have all spaced out at the light and needed a beep  to wake us up.

  In the short run, every day brings us opportunities to practice awareness. One form is of course, mindfulness, being aware of thinking when we are thinking, breathing when we are breathing, etc. But try this next time you are stuck at the proverbial light: Feel everything around you, above and below, in as many vibration levels as you can. It’s a form of alertness that is actually relaxing, this becoming resonant with all the people, places and things around you, feeling the activity and the energy all at once. You may find that you become more aware of the people who are waiting for you to act, and the natural result is a kind of community feeling, with courtesy for those behind and forgiveness for those in front.

  So, on a practical note, there are things to do as an antidote to what we usually do. I have mentioned mindfulness, and the operative method is to stop and breathe, saying to yourself “I am breathing and I know I am breathing.” I have mentioned awareness, feeling your surroundings as fully as possible, right down to the most sensitive energies. There is also the trick of using intentional thought to counterract unintentional thought.

  For instance, you are stuck behind the guy who won’t go through the light, and you immediately think:”That guy is a jerk!”  What is the counter thought? Surprisingly, it is not “That guy is not a jerk,” but “I have already arrived.” The reason we even notice when our way is blocked is that we are in an uncounscious hurry all the time. We may or may not actually be late, but we often put ourselves under pressure to get there asap. But where is “there?” If the whole world were to end right now, would there be better than here? And we all know that the main thing is to be here, wherever it is at the time.

  Now, we might say that there is better because our lover is there, or the money is there or the food is there, but what happens when we obey the impulse to hurry along? We get there and can’t enjoy being there (as here) because the unconscious urge to move is still running. So, we can use our brain to counter our brain. We can, in any moment, stop and say “I am here.” Right now, you can do it. It helps if you take a conscious breath as you think this thought, or even better, say it out loud. Try it and see.

  As we take a moment to be HERE, we can notice the tendency in our lives to be heading to Happiness, doing something to get happy, and not being Happy, or Present…….Now.

  Let me know in the comment space how this works for you, this trick of using intentional thought to stop or counter thought.  And feel free to share this post with your friends, especially the ones that are impatient drivers.

  And remember to enjoy being here, no matter what happens to be passing through your field of awareness. Even the things we call bad or negative are opportunities to feel alive, so…….give yourself the gift of feeling alive. Ask yourself spontaneously throughout the day “Where am I now?” And when you are getting pissed at that driver in front of you, remember that you are here, now.

  Doug Webb Santa Fe, 2011


As an adjunct or continuation to my recent piece “Why do we Keep Getting What We Don’t Want” I would like to explore how and why we should dig a little deeper into what is obscuring our fully awakened participation in Life.

Now, the current discussion around us has the Law of Attraction involved in our spirituality, and sometimes it seems that people look at what is a principle of action in this Universe as a path in itself. Even as I say that, you can see that it is not a path but a tool. The discussion of how to get what we want, and avoid what we already have for the most part; hatred, pain and suffering, is mostly about the acquisition of conditions.

But….is this what Awakening is really about? The discovery that we have a power to produce conditions has given an acquisitive flavor to our times, as if we are somehow given permission to live the comfortable life and somehow be a renunciate at the same time. It’s a funny knife edge we try to walk, to fix our attention on worldly goods and states, like getting that job, that raise, that mission-oriented lifestyle,  that deep relationship, and all the goods of our life, and to somehow also be free of attachment from wordly desires.

Sounds easy, right?  Let’s after all, have our cake and renounce our attachment to it.

In my talk at The Celebration last week, I used money as a talking point, illustrating how we try to use the Law of Attraction to draw wealth toward us, but sabotage that movement by the energetic structure of hidden belief and blocked feelings that we all carry around. You know that we are 5% conscious activity and 95% unconscious programming, so it is easy to learn that we are not the masters of our domain that we like to think we are. We notice that the Law of Attraction works, but most of us still find that we keep getting the same results, even when we are conscious about how and what we ask for.

So, are you with me so far? Why follow a path of Awakening, or spirituality in general, and what exactly is at the end of that road? I mean, if we are all closet boddhisattvas anyway, and the road only goes in one direction ultimately, why bother? The bringing into consciousness of all our hidden pain and suffering and trauma and judgments and all that, I mean, it seems like a lot of work. I can just as easily live my life and ask for forgiveness for the stuff I say that gets me in trouble, and if there’s a problem, I’ll just repent on my deathbed.

Well, this is where it gets more difficult, and easier at the same time. What I have just written seems ridiculously easy to understand and  we all think that we are in no way living our lives like this. I mean, we know that it takes work to be free, we know that the Law of Attraction is a tool, we know, we know, we know.

Then why do we live our lives as if we don’t know?

Honest look in the mirror time. Do we really live as if we are infinite spirits having an earthly experience? Then why do we want to acquire so much? And why do we tell ourselves so many stories about money and wealth and how it is now O.K. to be rich and spiritual? I mean, if it really was O.K., why the stories?

Don’t you have a sneaking suspicion that we are on the wrong track, but parts of it are close enough to at least try to get the goods now, and later we can explore the whole detachment thing? And, conveniently, we can say our affirmations and feel our alignment without having to encounter the Pool of Infinite Sorrow, or the sad look in the homeless guy’s eye.

In the attempt to get ourselves into alignment with the Law of Attraction, we discover that we are holding beliefs that counteract our desires, and we try to “clean” those beliefs, using h”o’po’no’pono or EFT or affirmations or whatever. Now, the technique I have been referring to all this time (the Living Essence Work) is another technique, but it has a serious advantage.

It works like this, you begin by telling me a story of your life, or an aspect of it, if we are exploring money issues, it may be a story of your job, or how things went wrong for you. In the telling of that story we notice many holdings, and these are in the form of feelings that were not felt, or ideas that have become stuck in the body, or beliefs that do not serve. Once we lock into one of these, we find the feeling that is being held, and we I.D. it with an operative phrase. Usually the phrase is much more basic than the original problem.

For instance, money has some usual or common beliefs around it, like, “there is not enough”, or “I don’t deserve money,” and these beliefs have a vibration or frequency which may be felt into.

Now the usual schools of therapy would be likely to go on a case-by-case basis. Tell about the time you didn’t have neough money, and feel the embarrassment, or the shame. Now, doesn’t that feel better? Now tell about the time you couldn’t get that ring for your girlfriend. More shame, frustration, anger. Now, don’t you feel better about that? Now tell about having to eat Ramen noodles all through college. Now tell about how you can’t tip as much as you would like, or don’t go out after dance because you don’t have the money. It goes on and on, this dealling with stories.

In our work, we start with a story, after all, we have to start somewhere, but the moment the feeling of for instance, Lack, is felt, we let go of story and feel the actual frequency of the feeling itself. This is the direct route into the unconscious, and has the added benefit of dealing with all the stories which are associated with that vibration, which would be too many to count. 

This way of delving into the deeper places in us has the effect of dissolving, usually permanently, the stuck vibration in question. And the place that is underneath that vibration is revealed, something the talking school would take forever to find. In my personal experience, inside my own structure, I found that when I dissolved a held feeling or belief, the sponsoring belief or feeling underneath it popped right up like a rolodex, ready to be dealt with next. What is revealed is often quite surprising, but it makes apparent the onion-like layering of the supporting beliefs and ideas that we are made of.

How is this Awakening?

The magic of the Living Essence work is that the belief or trauma or feeling is really liberated, and the energy that was being consumed to hold that belief place in the body is free, and Voila! that place now has space in which the Life that is living us flows. For me, it is like a light floods into the places that were unconsciously dark, and the Something that is us gets a chance to speak directly to me and as me. I call it the Radiant Core of the Universe, because that’s what it feels like and looks like to me.

As to the awakening part, if you dissolve a vibration like, “there is not enough,” then it becomes obvious from mere observation that there is enough. Now, there may be more money showing up in your life, not because you are doing anything special, but because it is the nature of money to flow where it is not blocked, so you are very likely to experience more flow. But what is more important is that your holding around money or security or being good enough is relaxed and your whole being is more free, more present, more available to hear and see opportunity, generosity and service. So the result is you are simply more awake, more empty of pre-existing conditions, and naturally detached from the clinging that was running you before. You can actually and easily get a glimpse of your true nature and the way you have been unconsciously letting your programming run your existence.

I am offering a One-day Workshop to intoduce this work,  and give you a chance to experience what I am talking about, so please call me if you are interested. 505 670 6391 I am planjing the workshop for the 22nd of Jan from 9-4. Also please feel free to ask questions in the comment space or reflect on waht I have said today, and share this with those who are serious about freedom, With lots and lots of love and a whole flood of light, Doug Webb